First Time Sleeping With Gay

Is been while thinking about doing it with a guy, I longed for it, and for it, I shall have. When the mind plays tricks on you, you end up doing the foolishness you are trying to forget. I often wonder why so many men have never felt the thrill of another man banging their asshole, or they do they just don’t tell. I don’t know what I am feeling right now but this is alarming. Finally, I made the arrangements, the time came I went to his place. This guy was clean, I felt his huge dick on my hand. I felt my mouth dripping with saliva. I was impatient, my mouth was hoping to taste his dick at that moment. The minute he undresses, it was uncut. How boring. Do they know how that thing smell? Well, he was a bit nervous, so I pushed him on the bed and told him, let’s keep this between us okay? Am i gay? That is the question, i am still asking that question to myself today. One gay whom i chat with he said I am bisexual which is not a bad thing since i have family and don't want to destroy it. His dick was huge, and I was looking forward to tasting a big despite his uncut head. I went down on it and suck it. My mouth was filled with saliva then I spit on him to draw my name, he turned me and suck my little Joe, I was so embarrassed when he swallowed it all. Then I asked him that if he could fuck me? He said to me, have you ever been fucked before? No! I replied. He said to me, you won’t handle my dick but I can just give you a taste. The minute he hid the wall of my anus the pain was unbearable. I stopped him, I couldn’t handle his dick, so he turned and said come fuck me. His hole was like a vagina, it was huge I just slide in and out. I cum into him without acknowledging that the condom had broken, I was so scared that I might contract STD’s I asked him several times if he is not sick which you know the answer to all “I am not sick” after 4 months you find yourself queuing for the ARV’s. I run home loaded with stress, after an hour I called, he said don’t worry I am not sick okay? I quitted for a while ending up wanting to suck his dick again after 3-4 months. This is not normal to me at all, i am sick and i don't know how to cure this sickness...i went to his house, do the deed then came back angry at myself. I decided to masturbate, i got myself a dildong from my white friend and started to hit my asshole with it every night. The more I did it the less my cock became hard, this was affecting my cock and i can't stop right now. i am enjoy anal sex than the pussy now. Somehow i can't remember how it started but i just re-directed my spouse finger to my asshole to finger me, since that day she some times fingers me and i enjoy the pleasure a lot. STILL I DON'T KNOW IF I AM GAY OR NOT BUT I HAD STOPPED WANTING TO BE FUCKED BY MAN